About a year ago an incident happened that will make me forever question the true nature and meaning of interpersonal relationships. In my third year I started making short films through one of my courses. It got me really interested in Youtube and what it enabled people to do. Up to this point I simply watched videos, films and stuff by others, paying no real attention to the process behind it (filming, editing and whatnot). So I guess some people saw what I was doing—probably through Facebook—and decided to send me a message saying they wanted to meet up; had a few film ideas they were interested in working on.
I headed over the next day. We talked. And it turns out they were building a website/startup that did some cool stuff (insert technical details here). They worked out of a tech incubator downtown (I’d love to be in a place like this if I could support myself somehow). But anyways, my tasks for the next few weeks were to find actors to make a short that promoted their website. All this happened right after I finished my third year. Summer! Freelance work! Wooo! No pay 😦 So I spent time talking to my friends and basically anyone I kinda knew and thought would fit the roles. My good friend, Aidan, wanted to act. One down, two to go. I needed a friend for Aidan. I felt I could play that role, so all I needed was someone to play a girl.
I walked into the gym one day, to get ripped! Some chest work! It’s all about that bench press!! And who did I see—the perfect person. I saw her several times in the gym but never really payed attention. I approached her and asked if I could ask her a question. She worked at the front desk of the physical activities building. Let’s call her Bella. So at this point, all I wanted was just someone to act. I simply didn’t look beyond the acting role, because you know me. I wasn’t too shy in my third year though; think it decreases a bit every year. I asked her. She said she’d be interested. So “email me a copy of the script and I’ll see.” Before I left, she asked for my name. I said “Shlomo.” She shook my hand and told me hers. I was like “word, I’ll email you tonight.” I smiled and walked away. The group was complete. Filming time! All this took a few weeks. I was super happy I found her, cus I thought she’d fit the role. I sent her a copy of the script with some storyboards and stuff. She replied saying she was cool with everything, so we could set up a time to start filming. I let Aidan know, asked him to get his suit ready and we set up a time.
To cut a long story short, we filmed and as we approached the end of the shoot, I asked her out. It wasn’t something I planned doing. It was just me feeling—oh let me repay you for giving up a few hours of your time and plus, I think I kinda like you. I was like “hey, what are you doing this Friday?” We set up a time to have lunch. It was just really simple; just some pizza. We talked, asked questions, laughed and all that regular stuff. At the end we hugged each other and done. End of date. Shortly after I finished editing the video, I left the city to spend the rest of the summer with my cousin.
When I came back following the summer break, I was expecting an “oh hey, how was your summer?!” Or some other let’s-go-on-another-date type conversation. What actually happened? Well, we never talked. Lmao! We have never actually had a regular conversation ever since the one date and summer break. It’s been over a year and whenever I see her, it’s always a bit awkward. I’ve constantly ask myself why that’s been the case. How come we’ve never really talked. Not even small talk. It was always just an awkward hi or something like that. Well, we’ve kinda talked once and I’m still not sure if I was the one trying to avoid the conversation or she was. She asked if I was going to track practice and how it was cold outside or warm, (don’t remember) and I said “Yeah”, slowly turned and walked away.
I also think the answer here is quite simple. After one date you just know whether or not you like someone, or at least you think you know. Over the summer I texted her a few times and she always took weeks before replying. And when she did, she was always like “oh I’ve been super busy…” Yeah right. Apparently that’s how you know someone doesn’t really like you (takes forever to reply). I’m in the same situation right now. I’m ignoring someone’s texts (and occasionally take forever to reply) because I just don’t feel a connection. We met at the beach and we’ve been texting a lot. I’ve stopped replying (so cold, and I feel really bad) because I’m not ready for a relationship right now. I feel like a teenager writing such a post lol.
Now I decided to call this post “I’m no different!” for the following reasons. I expressed interest in someone and they didn’t return that feeling. Made that conclusion after the no-reply and one-week-delay texting. I’m also doing the same thing right now!! Mostly without even thinking about it. Even weirder is the fact that my cousin has expressed the same sentiments. We’ve talked on Skype a few times and with one or two of the people that he likes or is attracted to, he’s also been awkwardly avoiding—because they haven’t returned the same feelings and obviously, he can tell.